I Never Argue on the Internet but I Like to Shut People Up

In my opinion, arguing in the virtual world is a waste of time and energy. I like having a bit of a fruitful discussion once in a while because I like learning from others and changing perspective on various issues. But if I already can tell by the first comment that somebody is only looking for trouble, I rely on the rule that I also follow in the real world on the same occassion: I walk away. On the internet you cannot get a broken nose or a black eye, but you can waste an awful lot of energy for no gain at all. So, I recommend you too just quit. Why would you spend your precious time convincing other people of sharing your opinion? People you don’t even know and who don’t even care about what you have to add to the conversation. In a written argument. On an open internet platform. My tip: Don’t do it. There is nothing to win and even less to learn.

If you cannot resist the urge of getting some kind of closure, though, I have something for you. Three different sentences that I sometimes use to wrap up an internet “conversation” with a trouble maker:

1. “Yes.” – Useful if you are dealing with trolls of any kind who desperately want to have an argument with you, and therefor wait for an answer like “Are you nuts? That’s not what I meant” or something similar. The little word ‘yes’ usually shuts them up immediately because they were all ready for an argument and you didn’t give them anything to go on. That’s why it has to be only the word ‘Yes’. Not, ‘Yes, you are right’ or anything like that. Just ‘yes’.

2.”You know me so well, person who never met me.” – Useful when somebody makes an assumption of your personality because of what you wrote; mostly it is a tiny detail that they munch away on, or they rephrase you in words that you neither used nor meant. And they are doing it on purpose (see above). So type in the given sentence and after you did, unfollow the conversation. You don’t want to read any more replies.

3. “Absolutely not.” – Useful in any conversation that doesn’t fit the other two replies. Mostly simply confusing to the other person because – admittedly – loads of times it doesn’t fit at all. Which makes it a brilliant comeback.

There you go, now you know how to avoid arguing on the internet for no good reason. You’re welcome.