Jokes the Scotsman likes to tell aka Worst jokes ever

Grumpy Cat by Inti Orozco

Grumpy Cat by Inti Orozco

The Scotsman: Knock Knock

Me: Who’s there?

The Scotsman: Isabell

Me: Isabell Who?

The Scotsman: Is a bell necessary on a bicycle?

Still here? Okay, next!

An elephant steps on a mouse but realizes it immediately. “Oh Lord, I am so so sorry” he says. The mouse just shrugs “Not an issue, it could’ve happened the other way around.”

Still reading? Right. Next!

Not sharing your lobster with anybody is shellfish.

Seriously, you’re still reading this? You should go out, meet some friends.

Being a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

Do you intend to stay here all day?

Why shouldn’t you write with a blunt pencil? Because it’s pointless.

One More? Fine.

Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf.

Okay, that IS enough! No, seriously, go out and have some ice cream or whatever. Jesus!